PRODUCT 002: TOOTHBRUSH
Bristles attached to handle. For teeth.
Specifications:
- Length: 7.5 inches
- Bristle count: Approximately 2,500
- Hardness: Medium (soft damages enamel slower, hard damages it faster, medium is the compromise you'll accept)
- Material: Plastic that will outlive you by 400 years
- Colors: White, Black, Beige (matches our t-shirt collection)
- Handle grip: Adequate
FUNCTION: Insert bristles into mouth. Move back and forth across teeth. Rinse. Repeat twice daily for the rest of your life or until your teeth give up.
LIFESPAN: Dentists recommend replacing every 3 months. You'll use it for 8 months. We both know this.
ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT: Significant. This toothbrush will exist long after you're gone. Your great-great-grandchildren will never see this specific toothbrush, but one very similar to it will be floating in an ocean somewhere.
We considered making bamboo toothbrushes. We didn't. This is plastic. At least we're honest about it.
PACKAGING: Comes in a cardboard box that says TOOTHBRUSH. No claims about whitening. No claims about gum health. No dental association endorsements. Just a brush. For teeth.
NOT INCLUDED:
- Toothpaste
- Motivation to floss
- Dental insurance
- Relief from mortality
You'll buy this because your current toothbrush is disgusting and you've been meaning to replace it for weeks. This is that moment. Congratulations on your hygiene maintenance.
Replace in 3 months. You won't. But you should.
